Easter 2010

Easter 2010 has already passed.  Unbelievable.  As you can see by the pics, my Derek was NOT picture friendly what-so-ever.  The Easter weekend brought a few Easter egg hunts for Cody, as well as some nice easter egg decorating at home.  FUN FUN FUN.   Cody even wrote a nice letter to the Easter Bunny (on a paper plate).  LOVE MY KIDS!  :)

Happy 16th Birthday, DEREK!

Yes, it is true.  My oldest son is now 16 years old.  Time sure does fly.  Sixteen.  A time to experience new things.  Learning to drive.  UGH!  I feel so old!  Of course, Derek doesn't like to celebrate his birthday anymore, so we celebrated at home with just us and since he didn't want a cake, I bought ice cream sandwiches (one of his favorites).  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEREK!  I love you!  :)

Just thinking......

I remember when I was little and my biggest worry was if I was going to have enough time after school to play outside. I loved being outside. I loved the fresh air. My brothers, sisters, and I made trails in our back yard for riding bikes. I’d spend hours just riding around the trails…sometimes with my brother and sisters, and sometimes alone. As long as I was outside, things were good.


After having my youngest son, Cody, I realized that my love for the outside wasn’t going to be “shared” with him. You see, Cody has Autism and with his Autism, he has unusual and extreme fears and phobias. The number one phobia of my Cody is BEES. Don’t get me wrong, I know that NO kid really likes bees BUT they don’t let that “fear” or “dislike” interfere with their lives. My Cody will NOT play outside if the sun is out. It doesn’t matter how many times people tell him that there are no bees outside. It doesn’t matter to him if someone tells him that it’s too cold for bees. His mind tells him what HE believes, and up until this day, we have yet to find a way to help him “persuade” his mind any other way.

Picnics, beach trips, even amusement park trips are put on hold for us unless the “sun is down”. Sometimes we can actually get him to the beach with a little white lie (bees don’t like water) or sometimes to the amusement park (keep moving and the bees can’t catch you), but it’s not very often. It is so sad how this phobia of bees have taken over my little boy’s life. He is 8. He shouldn’t have the anxiety that he has, yet we can’t find a way to lessen it. Medication works a little, but right now even that is on a hold.

Before the bee phobia, it was a tornado/storm phobia. Have we ever had a tornado, here in Syracuse, NY? Not while my little guy has been alive. We’ve had our fair share of storms though. Like the bee phobia, this also ran his life. He’d be in his Kindergarten class hiding under his desk rocking back and forth while the tears stream down his pudgy little cheeks. He’d stare out the window at the wind and rain and just be beside himself. Teachers didn’t understand his fears. Kids definitely didn’t understand his fears. It seems like only his Mommy understood and was it more that I understood, or just tried so hard to, I do not know. We couldn’t leave our house if there was a storm brewing. He knew the house was safe and that is where he needed to be. We’d pull the shades and he’d just sit in the middle of the living room floor rocking back and forth, back and forth, as the tears silently fell. It is so heartbreaking to watch your child have so many fears and not being able to help him in any way. It is crushing in so many ways.

And that is just the phobias. The sensory issues are almost just as bad. When Cody was a baby, I bought the cutest little matching outfits. Gosh, I loved picking out clothes for him. But by the time he turned 1, things started to change. He could only wear a few brands of diapers (luckily one was a cheaper brand). He hated his hair combed (and he has the cutest strawberry blonde hair). The little baby that once loved baths, threw fits everytime I got near the bathtub. This was the start of all the sensory issues. Today, at age 8, jeans are a “no way” for my little guy. Actually, believe it or not, there is only ONE style of pants that he can wear that don’t “hurt” him. It doesn’t help that each pair costs over $40. YIKES! Shirts are a bit easier for him. I can find a few at Gymboree and Old Navy, but the majority come from Hanna Andersson (thank GOD for that store). The majority of his clothes are organic. Not that I’m that “gung-ho” about organic items, BUT they feel so good for him to wear. My sweet Cody went through months where he could only wear his unders. There were weeks that he could wear nothing at all. It was terrible. He missed a lot of school due to those issues. Luckily, we got him back in to clothes. Yeah, they might be the same style every day, BUT he likes them and they feel good and that is all that counts. Do I get kind of sad when I see other kids sporting their cute baggy jeans and their handsome polo shirts? Yeah, I get a twinge of pain, but I try not to let it bother me. Things could ALWAYS be worse. And if my little guy can only wear sweats and t-shirts, then I can deal with that.

It makes me really sad when I see Cody playing with other kids and they don’t “understand” his way of playing. You see, Cody sees a movie and he “plays” that movie. He plays it like he just watched it. The other kids don’t understand that. They don’t even know what he’s doing. They just see him getting frustrated because they weren’t playing the way “Cody wanted” so they walk away, leaving my little guy even more frustrated. I try and explain this to Cody, but he doesn’t really understand himself. I want him to have friends. He does have a few close friends that are just like him. I like to see them play. They seem to “understand” his quirks because they have the same quirks.

I get so frustrated myself when I take Cody out and people judge us. It happens a lot. The other day we were at Walmart and I told Cody that he could have a chocolate milk after we were done shopping. So we finished (and he did so well), and we walked to the McDonalds and ordered a chocolate milk and what did they say? “I’m sorry, we are out of chocolate milk”…..UGH! It sunk into him before it did me. I felt his hand tighten in mine. I knew what was coming. There was no way around it. My child was looking forward to this. It may be small to someone else, but to him, it was everything. And Cody can’t “deal” with unexpected changes. So out came the blood-curdling scream. Yeah, it’s a scream that I personally can’t stand. It makes me cringe each time I hear it. But it comes when Cody doesn’t know what else to do. Scream, then run! Not that he wants to run. He just needs to get away and running is all he knows to do right then. I stand there, trying so hard not to be embarrassed on what just happened. Why should I be? Cody has a disability and this is just part of it. But it’s so hard NOT to be too. I feel the tears well up in my eyes as I quickly turn to run after my son. He never goes too far. He goes to where no one else is then he just falls to the floor and cries. So here I am running after him while trying so hard to ignore all the people’s stares and remarks. Sometimes, I just crack and say something back to them. Sometimes I don’t. That day I did. Some older woman took a cart and pushed it into my son and backed him into the wall. What the hell? She proceeded to tell him how bad he is and how he should be spanked. My son was in beyond hysterics by now. I grabbed her cart and shoved it away. Cody had scratches on his arms where she pushed him into the wall. I yelled at her to mind her own business and she had no right to judge him when she knew nothing about him. She then decided to tell me what a bad mom I was and how I am the prime reason why kids shouldn’t be having kids. I was 30 years old when I had my son. I call that a far cry from being a “kid”…whatever. Anyways, I sat down in the middle of the floor, not caring what anyone else thought. I cradled my son in my arms and rocked him back and forth (he loves to rock). The lady was still there saying some mumbo-jumbo, but my mind was back to calming down my son. I finally got my boy back and we walked through the staring crowd out to our car. He fell asleep on the way home. His meltdowns take a lot out of him. They take a lot out of me too.

Some people say that I’m babying Cody. That if I spanked him for his behavior, he’d just miraculously “get better”. Don’t get me wrong, Cody does get in trouble. A lot actually. He does have consequences for making bad choices BUT I will NOT punish my child for not being able to “deal” with his emotions. That is part of his disability. Instead of punishing, I sit and we talk about what he could have done. Not that he remembers that the next time, but in time I believe he might. If my child hits another child or says not nice things, yes, there are consequences. And no, he doesn’t like the outcome, but I stick to my rules. He is 8 years old and he does cause the “8 year old trouble” that the “other” 8 year olds do too. Yes, it’s hard for me to know what part of it needs discipline and what part needs “reassurance” but in the end, I feel I’m doing pretty damn good. If someone doesn’t think so, I really don’t care anymore. God blessed me with my children because he knew that I could teach them and nurture them in the way that they need. My children ARE my life. I will bend over backwards for them.

So am I sad that my child has Autism? I’m not sad that he has it. I am sad that others don’t understand and “accept” him with it. I am sad that the world is such an ignorant place. I am sad that sometimes, even I crack and say things I really shouldn’t and hate myself later. Am I sad that my son is autistic though? No, that is MY SON. Autism is part of my son. Who would he be without his quirks? He is special just the way he is. I just wish the other people in the world could see and feel the same. 

Cody's 4th Annual Easter Egg Hunt 3-14-2010

This year I had to plan Cody's Easter Egg Hunt early since Easter is the day after Derek's 16th birthday and Cody has soccer every Saturday until then.  So we decided to hold it three weeks before Easter.  Forecast was not so promising.  Wind, rain, and more rain was in store.  Was I nervous?  Kind of BUT it seems every year we hit some kind of wind, rain, snow or mud obsticle, and through it all, the kids had fun, so it really didn't bother me too much.  The temperature was supposed to stay around 50 so that was good.  Well as Sunday got closer, so did the rain.  Saturday we got rained out for the most part.  Sunday we woke up to rain and wind, just like the forecast stated.  But that wasn't going to stop me.  By noon the rain stopped (it was only light before then), so to the park I went to hide 548 eggs.  Yes, you read right---548 eggs filled with candy and goodies.  By the time 1 pm hit, all the eggs were hidden and the kids started coming.  Cody was soooo excited he couldn't wait to see all his old friends from Solvay and his good buddy, Cameron.  His smile was so HUGE as each child got dropped off.  We waited until 1:15 to make sure all the kids were there and we did the countdown and they were off!!  Kids were scrambling everywhere picking up eggs and trying to find the gold and silver eggs that could be traded in for prizes.  Cody's buddy, Tyler, found two silver eggs.  His sweet little girlfriend, Kyra, found the gold egg, and my little man, Cody found the last silver egg.  YIPPEE! The best part for the parents is that almost as soon as I said "GO", the sun came out for almost the whole time we were egg hunting.....SUPER!!  It was a great time!  I believe that all the kids had a super time and it makes my day to see them all having so much fun!  I loved watching Cody play with the kids....I loved watching the kids play with Cody.....Can't wait until next year!! 

Twilight Obsession

My new obsession? TWILIGHT. I think that they picked great actors to portray the characters from the book. My fave from the book and movie of course is Carlisle. I started the books about 2 weeks ago. The first book took me 3 hours to finish (I couldn't put it down), the 2nd - 4 hours, the 3rd - 4 hours and the last - 5 hours)....I can't wait until New Moon comes out on DVD in just a few weeks. Funny thing too is that Cody watched Twilight and fell in love with the movie also. His favorites? Carlisle and Alice Cullen (Cody has a crush on Alice). He has even told me several times lately that he wants to become an actor so that he can meet her. LOL. Cody really wants to watch New Moon and Eclipse when they are released BUT I'm not so sure if I'll allow him yet, due to the ratings.  Twilight was low key enough that it was fine.  The other two, I'm not so sure about.  He wants to read the books but I told him he has to wait a few years.  Right now, he is into the Percy and the Olympians books (he has all 5 of the series).  He is also into the Harry Potter series.  It's funny seing my little guy reading such big books.  I am so glad that he likes to read.  The only issue I have with him and these books/movies, is that he memorizes certain scenes or plots and plays them out over and over and over again.  After watching Twilight, he was Edward for a while.  Then he changed to Carlisle.  He is soooo funny to watch.  It's like watching the movie all over again.  I know if he watched New Moon, he would be the werewolf.  I'm not so sure if I'm ready for that.  LOL.

CAN YOU GET ANY BETTER LOOKING THAN THIS????

Getting Ready For Walt Disney World March 2010

Yes, we still have another few months, but it's never too early to START getting ready. This year, I'm taking Cody (Derek doesn't want to go this year -- 16 years old is too old, I guess) to DisneyWorld again at the end of May. Cody is so excited, as well as myself. We will be staying at the Westgate Villas in Kissimmee and we have a 3 bedroom villa (excess, I know, but it'll be fun).....Cody tells me that we'll sleep in each bedroom twice before having to go home. He has it all planned out. And since it's just going to be him and I, I will let him be the plan maker (to some extent, that is).....I can't wait. The only issue that is starting to come up is the "bug issue".....Cody still has a phobia over bugs and a few years ago when I took the boys to Florida, it was "love bug" season and they were everywhere and it really scared Cody. I pray that it's not that season when we arrive......I really really pray not. He goes on the Disney's website often to see the rides and characters so he'll "be ready" when it's time. He's such a little goof-ball.

Cody's First Ice Skating Trip February 2010

The Central New York FEAT (AUTISM) group was having their annual ice skating day at Syracuse University, and I was iffy at first of bringing Cody, since we all know that.....well, he's not the most coordinated child out there...LOL. Well, I decided to go and it was a blast! He had a great time! He was so brave! I loved that they had the ice walkers to help the "newbies". It was so much fun to watch my little guy having so much fun! :)